Well- I thought I could stay away longer, but it turns out I could really use your support.
Here's the update on me:
I've been overmedicated for my thyroid basically this entire time I've been taking it (all of august) I have a boat load of symptoms- some of which have lessened most of them have not- these symptoms rangin from: anxiety, irritability, insomnia, loss of weight, loss of muscle mass, fatigue, weakness, shortness of breath, heart palpitations the list goes on and on.
I went from being "subclinical hypothyroid" to hyperthyroid in the span of a month. I've been off the pills since sept. 1st and I'm still dealing with horrible insomnia and anxiety. Plus I have the face of a teenager again- full of hormonal acne. I have a medical leave from work to deal with this. I lay here, in bed, in our guest bedroom because filthy snores- which doesn't matter because I've been up since 2am anyway. My systems are in overdrive and I feel pretty helpless. All I can do is wait for my "levels" to readjust. I'm pissed. I'm angry. I'm sad.I'm frustrated. I'm scared. It sucks when you feel like shit and all you can do is wait and trust that what these doctors (the ones who kept telling me to continue the pill till I ended up in the ER) are saying is true- I will feel better but it's going to take some time. And when that time comes around- I get to start off at square one in terms of muscle and endurance. Thanks doctors- thanks for not listening to me that very first week I started these g-d pills when said my heart was racing. They forgot about me, I immediately became a statistic- a number that had to be between 1-2.5. Assholes. I want my life back.
Rant isn't over. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Blogging Hiatus...
Hey all...
Had a traumatic 2 weeks, filled with many Dr.'s visits, and 1 ER visit. + all that together and it = a 4 week medical leave from work.
Taking a much needed break...I might even turn the computer OFF.
See you in about a month, hopefully rejuvenated, hopefully with better stories to tell.
Had a traumatic 2 weeks, filled with many Dr.'s visits, and 1 ER visit. + all that together and it = a 4 week medical leave from work.
Taking a much needed break...I might even turn the computer OFF.
See you in about a month, hopefully rejuvenated, hopefully with better stories to tell.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's not you...It's...well you...
A break up happened today. It's been a long time coming. I knew it wasn't right from the start, but I kept thinking, "just maybe".
First impressions are everything, and I should have known better.
Today. I broke up with my Primary Care Physician. I've had it. Tomorrow, is a new beginning with a younger doctor...hopefully with a skip in her step and stars in her eyes...Hopefully one who can make a decision in my best interest, because, after all she's the one with the medical degree.
Top reasons why it had to end:
First impressions are everything, and I should have known better.
Today. I broke up with my Primary Care Physician. I've had it. Tomorrow, is a new beginning with a younger doctor...hopefully with a skip in her step and stars in her eyes...Hopefully one who can make a decision in my best interest, because, after all she's the one with the medical degree.
-----
Top reasons why it had to end:
the FRONT DESK LADY
I wish you guys could see a video of this lady in action. She's loud. She's obnoxious. She's rude. She narrates EVERYTHING that she types into her little outdated computer. She SHOUTS your most private information to you, even though you are standing 18 inches away from her greasy face...in a waiting room the size of a shoebox. She's there 40 hours a week. Monday through Friday.
it's 2011, RIGHT???
I think I'm going to have a new rule...for my new Doctor. My personal home office printer, can NOT be nicer than the one in your practice. PERIOD. NO EXCEPTIONS. The only thing my printer does is print up maps for directions, and I barely do that anymore. Every time I went to the Dr. I felt like Marty Mcfly was going to be in the waiting room with me.
Wait...aren't YOU the Doctor?
Dear Future Primary Care Physician:
I have a measly Bachelor's degree for Christ's sakes, don't ask me what I want to do. Thank you for taking my feelings into consideration, but my medical education/training is all owed to Dr. Google. So please, lets use the money you spent on your education, and the money I've spent on health insurance, and lets have YOU, the Dr. make the educated decisions from here on out. At least make me feel like you're working for the money.
I also ask that you take me seriously when I say I'm experiencing side effects. Especially when they are the ones that are listed on the little paper that says "call your Dr. immediately if you experience the follwoing". I'll have you know, I'm an excellent direction follower. I feel like my requests are simple, and I look forward to figuring out my damn thyroid with you.
-----
So the end of an era. (Very shortlived) I'm done with Dr. Old School, and I'm hopefully moving on to a doctor (and front desk lady-fingers tightly crossed) that I can be happy with.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Welcome August ICLWers!
Welcome to my blog! Have a seat, stay a while...this is my second ICLW!!! Please check out my other tabs to learn more about me and our journey. So under the ICLWs site, I believe I listed that my blog was mainly about the 80s, TTC...we are also dealing with MFI, and subclinical hypothyroidism... So…without further adieu:
80s: I'm a kid of the 80s and proud of it! Every friday I try to do a "Flashback Friday" post that has something to do with the 80s, sometimes its toys, sometimes its food... I got the idea from my local radio station. Every friday they play music from the 80s in the morning, and it makes me so happy on my way to work :) Lately I've been pretty bad about posting on Fridays, but I'll try try try to be better :).
TTC/MFI: Yup, thats us, we're trying to conceive…and failing as of yet. Which sucks, I hate failing, and I refuse! But some higher being as a different plan, so try try again for now. DH is 33, and I am 31. I had been on birth control for about 10 years and thought for sure (like everyone else) we'd be knocked up in no time. Fast forward to a year + plus later, and still no baby. Well, no human baby at least. We've got the best furbaby around…no really, she is the best :) Right now we're on track for IVF in the next coming months. We're waiting to get my TSH number to a satisfactory level, I've been on levothyroxine for over 2 weeks now. DH just got diagnosed with "microdeletion of the Y chromosome", but luckily he's still producing some sperm. On wednesday he goes in to freeze a second sample (2nd of 3) to have as backup for our IVF cycle. We were initially shooting for Sept. IVF but it looks like my TSH bloodtest results won't be in, in time. So far I've had a hell of a time with the thyroid pills and adjusting to the side effects, still waiting for my horomones to balance out I guess.
We're pretty laid back as a couple, and we thought we did everything in the right, logical order: education, career, house, finances, living as a couple and enjoying life just being "us" and then, when we decide to pull the trigger and start a family, things didn't fall into place as we expected them to. You never expect for life to be like this. There are good days and bad, and on the bad days I like to go around reading blogs because lets face it, misery loves company, and sometimes, my real world is far to full of fertiles and precious grandchildren.
I had issues with coming up with a name for my blog. I didn't want it to strictly be about TTC, but lets face it, its a pretty big deal in our lives right now. If you decide to stick around and be my friend, I'm warning you now, I tend to be a smart a$$, so consider yourself forewarned. I like to talk about random things, pet peeves and so on. One of the biggest for me is when people use the word irregardless…I've had big arguments about this! I've got a few other "non-words" that I hear every now and then that make my skin crawl. So I figured, hell, I'm not writing about anything earth shattering, and this is basically just a place for me to vent when everyone is tired of listening, so screw it: Let's Conversate About Irregardless. Ha. makes no sense, and is absolutely wrong, but its mine and I love it.
Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings, I promise things will get juicer once we delve further into this whole TTC process (lets hope b/c I'm not getting any younger). If you're struggling for a comment to leave, I'll throw you a bone: What are some of your favorite "non-words"? Happy ICLW
Friday, August 19, 2011
Flashback Friday #7
OK 80s lovers....I want to hear your thoughts on todays Flashback Friday....I've had a lot on my mind lately...Thyroid crap, IVF crap, baby showers here, baptisms there, visiting friends in the hospital who seem to be "built" for reproducing. So, with that said, lets finish out the week with this little nugget, just to finish out the week with a baby bang.
OK OK, who owned 1 (or more) of these?!!! I loved mine, she was adorable, she looked just like this one, except her dress was a green and white plaid. I don't remember what her name was though, and funny enough, I don't really remember much about the Cabbage Patch Kids other than the fact that I had one. I remember her arms and legs were cloth-like, but she had a hard face...and an outie belly button. So, because of my lack of Cabbage Patch knowledge sufficient enough to do an adequate flashback friday post, I turned to Wikipedia. This is what I learned..
"Xavier Roberts was created as a ten year old boy who discovered the Cabbage Patch Kids by following a BunnyBee behind a waterfall into a magical valley, where he found the Cabbage Patch babies being born. To keep them from falling into the clutches of the evil Lavendar McDade (and being enslaved in her gold mine), he sought to get them adopted into the homes of loving families outside of Mount Yonah."
Did I read that correctly? How am I now 31, just learning that these babies were actually being born in a freakin' cabbage patch. Wow, I should have taken better care of her. Poor thing. I guess I just had the doll, and never knew the story behind them. Duh, I guess it makes sense now, Cabbage Patch Kids.
Happy Flashback Friday!
OK OK, who owned 1 (or more) of these?!!! I loved mine, she was adorable, she looked just like this one, except her dress was a green and white plaid. I don't remember what her name was though, and funny enough, I don't really remember much about the Cabbage Patch Kids other than the fact that I had one. I remember her arms and legs were cloth-like, but she had a hard face...and an outie belly button. So, because of my lack of Cabbage Patch knowledge sufficient enough to do an adequate flashback friday post, I turned to Wikipedia. This is what I learned..
"Xavier Roberts was created as a ten year old boy who discovered the Cabbage Patch Kids by following a BunnyBee behind a waterfall into a magical valley, where he found the Cabbage Patch babies being born. To keep them from falling into the clutches of the evil Lavendar McDade (and being enslaved in her gold mine), he sought to get them adopted into the homes of loving families outside of Mount Yonah."
Did I read that correctly? How am I now 31, just learning that these babies were actually being born in a freakin' cabbage patch. Wow, I should have taken better care of her. Poor thing. I guess I just had the doll, and never knew the story behind them. Duh, I guess it makes sense now, Cabbage Patch Kids.
Happy Flashback Friday!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Whoa...
I just re-read my last post, boy was I freaking out.
I blame my thyroid pills. The aforementioned "freak out" came coincidentally when I started popping those pills. Rapid heart beat in the morning, anxiety throughout the day, along with feeling short of breath plagued me all week. I thought I had to "power through" this initial rough patch of introducing this horomone into my body. Another day of palpitations, and shortness of breath and anxiety passed so I called my primary Dr. (from now on will be Dr. Old School because her office is in need of a MAJOR update, but...I digress) Anyway here's how the conversation went:
Me: Hi Dr. Old School, I've been taking the pills that you prescribed for my thyroid and I didn't know if it was normal for me to feel anxious and short of breath, I feel ramped up all day long.
Dr. Old School: Hmm..that's weird because its such a low dose, I didn't think you would feel anything.
Me: Yeah, well, in the mornings when I'm lying in bed my heart races until I get up, when I'm moving I feel OK, but when I slow down I feel really short of breath and I feel anxious all day long.
Dr. Old School: Yeah, it shouldn't be that way, its such a low dose.
(BTW this conversation is totally helping my anxiety- great so now I'm crazy? awesome...just awesome...I read the paper, you know that dreaded side effect paper that comes in your pill baggie!!! It said right there, NOTIFY your DR. if you experience the following...its not like I was calling here to tell her I was shitting puppies, because shitting puppies was not on the side effect list, but rapid heart beat and g-d shortness of breath were...)
Me: So....
Dr. Old School: Well, are you taking the pills correctly?
(Oh I'm not supposed to shove them up my butt? Oh, glad I called.)
Me: yes, in the morning on an empty stomach and waiting and hour to eat.
Dr. Old School: ...I guess you can take half for a couple of days to see how you feel, or try taking them at night.
(Are you kidding me? I feel like I can alphabetize a library during the day when I'm on these, I'm not jacking up my sleep by taking these evil things at night!)
Dr. Old School: But its such a low dose this shouldn't be happening.
(At this point I want to go ape-shit on her...I don't care what "should" and "shouldn't" be happening...I'm calling you to tell you what IS happening.)
Me: Ok I'll figure it out.
So, I took a whole pill every morning for a week, and showed no improvement of side effects. I went to my normal yoga class and failed to do some poses because I didn't have the breath to get into them. Well...how the hell am I supposed to *relax* if I can't breath. Riddle me that Dr. Old School. I halved my dose for the past 2 days, and I feel a little more like myself, a little less ramped up. I have a sneaky suspicion that I was experiencing hyperthyroid symptoms and it was b/c of the medication. She'll probably tell me that it shouldn't have happened though.
In other news, to keep my mind off of my impending doom that had been planted in my head throughout the week...I made these burp cloths and cute Giants beannie for a shower I'm going to today!
I blame my thyroid pills. The aforementioned "freak out" came coincidentally when I started popping those pills. Rapid heart beat in the morning, anxiety throughout the day, along with feeling short of breath plagued me all week. I thought I had to "power through" this initial rough patch of introducing this horomone into my body. Another day of palpitations, and shortness of breath and anxiety passed so I called my primary Dr. (from now on will be Dr. Old School because her office is in need of a MAJOR update, but...I digress) Anyway here's how the conversation went:
Me: Hi Dr. Old School, I've been taking the pills that you prescribed for my thyroid and I didn't know if it was normal for me to feel anxious and short of breath, I feel ramped up all day long.
Dr. Old School: Hmm..that's weird because its such a low dose, I didn't think you would feel anything.
Me: Yeah, well, in the mornings when I'm lying in bed my heart races until I get up, when I'm moving I feel OK, but when I slow down I feel really short of breath and I feel anxious all day long.
Dr. Old School: Yeah, it shouldn't be that way, its such a low dose.
(BTW this conversation is totally helping my anxiety- great so now I'm crazy? awesome...just awesome...I read the paper, you know that dreaded side effect paper that comes in your pill baggie!!! It said right there, NOTIFY your DR. if you experience the following...its not like I was calling here to tell her I was shitting puppies, because shitting puppies was not on the side effect list, but rapid heart beat and g-d shortness of breath were...)
Me: So....
Dr. Old School: Well, are you taking the pills correctly?
(Oh I'm not supposed to shove them up my butt? Oh, glad I called.)
Me: yes, in the morning on an empty stomach and waiting and hour to eat.
Dr. Old School: ...I guess you can take half for a couple of days to see how you feel, or try taking them at night.
(Are you kidding me? I feel like I can alphabetize a library during the day when I'm on these, I'm not jacking up my sleep by taking these evil things at night!)
Dr. Old School: But its such a low dose this shouldn't be happening.
(At this point I want to go ape-shit on her...I don't care what "should" and "shouldn't" be happening...I'm calling you to tell you what IS happening.)
Me: Ok I'll figure it out.
So, I took a whole pill every morning for a week, and showed no improvement of side effects. I went to my normal yoga class and failed to do some poses because I didn't have the breath to get into them. Well...how the hell am I supposed to *relax* if I can't breath. Riddle me that Dr. Old School. I halved my dose for the past 2 days, and I feel a little more like myself, a little less ramped up. I have a sneaky suspicion that I was experiencing hyperthyroid symptoms and it was b/c of the medication. She'll probably tell me that it shouldn't have happened though.
In other news, to keep my mind off of my impending doom that had been planted in my head throughout the week...I made these burp cloths and cute Giants beannie for a shower I'm going to today!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Yikes. Quick Post.
Hi All,
No time for a long drawn out, smart ass post. Why? I'm going crazy and I am ridden with anxiety. IVF is on the horizon for September, and I guess my body is telling me it's nervous about it. Funny because I was excited until now. A few days ago I finished a 10-day course of antibiotics to cure a bacterial infection (needed to get that all cleared for IVF) and also a few days ago I started taking 25 mcgs of Levothyroxine to get my thyroid under control (also for IVF). We haven't even started the damn protocol yet and I'm freaking out. What. the. hell. is. wrong. with. me.
Symptoms: feeling short of breath, feeling like a my throat is swollen and I'm not getting enough oxygen, feeling like I'm breathing funny...I know that my thyroid pills aren't the cause of this, I know its anxiety, so why the F can't I shake it?
No time for a long drawn out, smart ass post. Why? I'm going crazy and I am ridden with anxiety. IVF is on the horizon for September, and I guess my body is telling me it's nervous about it. Funny because I was excited until now. A few days ago I finished a 10-day course of antibiotics to cure a bacterial infection (needed to get that all cleared for IVF) and also a few days ago I started taking 25 mcgs of Levothyroxine to get my thyroid under control (also for IVF). We haven't even started the damn protocol yet and I'm freaking out. What. the. hell. is. wrong. with. me.
Symptoms: feeling short of breath, feeling like a my throat is swollen and I'm not getting enough oxygen, feeling like I'm breathing funny...I know that my thyroid pills aren't the cause of this, I know its anxiety, so why the F can't I shake it?
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