Welcome August ICLWers!

Welcome to my blog!  Have a seat, stay a while...this is my second ICLW!!!  Please check out my other tabs to learn more about me and our journey.  So under the ICLWs  site, I believe I listed that my blog was mainly about the 80s, TTC...we are also dealing with MFI, and subclinical hypothyroidism...  So…without further adieu: 

80s: I'm a kid of the 80s and proud of it! Every friday I try to do a "Flashback Friday" post that has something to do with the 80s, sometimes its toys, sometimes its food...  I got the idea from my local radio station. Every friday they play music from the 80s in the morning, and it makes me so happy on my way to work :) Lately I've been pretty bad about posting on Fridays, but I'll try try try to be better :). 

TTC/MFI: Yup, thats us, we're trying to conceive…and failing as of yet. Which sucks, I hate failing, and I refuse! But some higher being as a different plan, so try try again for now.  DH is 33, and I am 31. I had been on birth control for about 10 years and thought for sure (like everyone else) we'd be knocked up in no time.  Fast forward to a year + plus later, and still no baby. Well, no human baby at least.  We've got the best furbaby around…no really, she is the best :)  Right now we're on track for IVF in the next coming months. We're waiting to get my TSH number to a satisfactory level, I've been on levothyroxine for over 2 weeks now.  DH just got diagnosed with "microdeletion of the Y chromosome", but luckily he's still producing some sperm. On wednesday he goes in to freeze a second sample (2nd of 3) to have as backup for our IVF cycle.  We were initially shooting for Sept. IVF but it looks like my TSH bloodtest results won't be in, in time.  So far I've had a hell of a time with the thyroid pills and adjusting to the side effects, still waiting for my horomones to balance out I guess.  

We're pretty laid back as a couple, and we thought we did everything in the right, logical order: education, career, house, finances, living as a couple and enjoying life just being "us" and then, when we decide to pull the trigger and start a family, things didn't fall into place as we expected them to.  You never expect for life to be like this. There are good days and bad, and on the bad days I like to go around reading blogs because lets face it, misery loves company, and sometimes, my real world is far to full of fertiles and precious grandchildren.  

I had issues with coming up with a name for my blog.  I didn't want it to strictly be about TTC, but lets face it, its a pretty big deal in our lives right now.  If you decide to stick around and be my friend, I'm warning you now, I tend to be a smart a$$, so consider yourself forewarned.  I like to talk about random things, pet peeves and so on.  One of the biggest for me is when people use the word irregardless…I've had big arguments about this!  I've got a few other "non-words" that I hear every now and then that make my skin crawl.  So I figured, hell, I'm not writing about anything earth shattering, and this is basically just a place for me to vent when everyone is tired of listening, so screw it: Let's Conversate About Irregardless. Ha. makes no sense, and is absolutely wrong, but its mine and I love it.  

Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings, I promise things will get juicer once we delve further into this whole TTC process (lets hope b/c I'm not getting any younger).  If you're struggling for a comment to leave, I'll throw you a bone: What are some of your favorite "non-words"?  Happy ICLW

Flashback Friday #7

OK 80s lovers....I want to hear your thoughts on todays Flashback Friday....I've had a lot on my mind lately...Thyroid crap, IVF crap, baby showers here, baptisms there, visiting friends in the hospital who seem to be "built" for reproducing. So, with that said, lets finish out the week with this little nugget, just to finish out the week with a baby bang.

OK OK, who owned 1 (or more) of these?!!!  I loved mine, she was adorable, she looked just like this one, except her dress was a green and white plaid.  I don't remember what her name was though, and funny enough, I don't really remember much about the Cabbage Patch Kids other than the fact that I had one. I remember her arms and legs were cloth-like, but she had a hard face...and an outie belly button.  So, because of my lack of Cabbage Patch knowledge sufficient enough to do an adequate flashback friday post, I turned to Wikipedia.  This is what I learned..

"Xavier Roberts was created as a ten year old boy who discovered the Cabbage Patch Kids by following a BunnyBee behind a waterfall into a magical valley, where he found the Cabbage Patch babies being born. To keep them from falling into the clutches of the evil Lavendar McDade (and being enslaved in her gold mine), he sought to get them adopted into the homes of loving families outside of Mount Yonah."


Did I read that correctly? How am I now 31, just learning that these babies were actually being born in a freakin' cabbage patch.  Wow, I should have taken better care of her.  Poor thing.  I guess I just had the doll, and never knew the story behind them.  Duh, I guess it makes sense now, Cabbage Patch Kids.  


Happy Flashback Friday!

Whoa...

I just re-read my last post, boy was I freaking out.

I blame my thyroid pills. The aforementioned "freak out" came coincidentally when I started popping those pills.  Rapid heart beat in the morning, anxiety throughout the day, along with feeling short of breath plagued me all week.  I thought I had to "power through" this initial rough patch of introducing this horomone into my body.  Another day of palpitations, and shortness of breath and anxiety passed so I called my primary Dr. (from now on will be Dr. Old School because her office is in need of a MAJOR update, but...I digress) Anyway here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hi Dr. Old School, I've been taking the pills that you prescribed for my thyroid and I didn't know if it was normal for me to feel anxious and short of breath, I feel ramped up all day long.

Dr. Old School: Hmm..that's weird because its such a low dose, I didn't think you would feel anything.

Me: Yeah, well, in the mornings when I'm lying in bed my heart races until I get up, when I'm moving I feel OK, but when I slow down I feel really short of breath and I feel anxious all day long.

Dr. Old School: Yeah, it shouldn't be that way, its such a low dose.

(BTW this conversation is totally helping my anxiety- great so now I'm crazy? awesome...just awesome...I read the paper, you know that dreaded side effect paper that comes in your pill baggie!!! It said right there, NOTIFY your DR. if you experience the following...its not like I was calling here to tell her I was shitting puppies, because shitting puppies was not on the side effect list, but rapid heart beat and g-d shortness of breath were...)

Me: So....

Dr. Old School: Well, are you taking the pills correctly?

(Oh I'm not supposed to shove them up my butt? Oh, glad I called.)

Me: yes, in the morning on an empty stomach and waiting and hour to eat.

Dr. Old School:  ...I guess you can take half for a couple of days to see how you feel, or try taking them at night.

(Are you kidding me? I feel like I can alphabetize a library during the day when I'm on these, I'm not jacking up my sleep by taking these evil things at night!)

Dr. Old School: But its such a low dose this shouldn't be happening.

(At this point I want to go ape-shit on her...I don't care what "should" and "shouldn't" be happening...I'm  calling you to tell you what IS happening.)

Me: Ok I'll figure it out.

So, I took a whole pill every morning for a week, and showed no improvement of side effects.  I went to my normal yoga class and failed to do some poses because I didn't have the breath to get into them.  Well...how the hell am I supposed to *relax* if I can't breath. Riddle me that Dr. Old School.  I halved my dose for the past 2 days, and I feel a little more like myself, a little less ramped up. I have a sneaky suspicion that I was experiencing hyperthyroid symptoms and it was b/c of the medication.  She'll probably tell me that it shouldn't have happened though.

In other news, to keep my mind off of my impending doom that had been planted in my head throughout the week...I made these burp cloths and cute Giants beannie for a shower I'm going to today!

Yikes. Quick Post.

Hi All,

No time for a long drawn out, smart ass post.  Why? I'm going crazy and I am ridden with anxiety.  IVF is on the horizon for September, and I guess my body is telling me it's nervous about it. Funny because I was excited until now.  A few days ago I finished a 10-day course of antibiotics to cure a bacterial infection (needed to get that all cleared for IVF) and also a few days ago I started taking 25 mcgs of Levothyroxine to get my thyroid under control (also for IVF).  We haven't even started the damn protocol yet and I'm freaking out. What. the. hell. is. wrong. with. me.

Symptoms: feeling short of breath, feeling like a my throat is swollen and I'm not getting enough oxygen, feeling like I'm breathing funny...I know that my thyroid pills aren't the cause of this, I know its anxiety, so why the F can't I shake it?

Who Me? Thanks!

So, about a month ago, Lissie, from Lissie's Luck gave me the Versatile Blogger Award...and about a month ago, I pinky swore I'd do a post about it the next day. Well Lissie, you were bound to find out sooner or later, I'm a flake.  Versatile, but a flake.  :) Hope you'll forgive me!

The rules:

A) Grab the award...yup.

B) Link back to the person who gave it to you....yup.

C) Share 10 things about yourself:  Here goes nothin'..

1. I hate elevators. Always have, always will. I will ride them if its a must- but only with other people- I could get stuck in there by myself, FFS! (see # 4 below) Once I got stuck in an elevator with a friend (thankfully) and though it probably only lasted for less than 5 minutes, it was enough time for extreme panic to set in.

2. I'm a retail designer for a beautiful store... Yet our house is in constant disarray- my sheets hardly ever coordinate. So sad.

3.  I hate all watermelon flavored candy. Watermelon jolly ranchers are the worst!

4. FFS is my favorite abbreviation. Better than OMG, LOL, LMAO even STFU...I hardly use the others since I'm not a "tween" - but FFS I could definitely get down with. (For Fucks Sake) -yeah, I said it.

5. I'm notorious for starting crafts and not finishing them. I have enough yarn to crochet a cozy the size of our house. (hmmm Etsy???)

6. I've been chased by a woman 3x my size down the streets in Berkeley, CA.  I was sure I pissed her off by something I had said, turned out she was chasing me to apologize.

7. I never learned how to swim and it's embarrassing.  This shall not travel outside the world wide web.

8. I make a MEAN deviled egg.

9. I looove fountain Pepsi with tiny crushed ice in a paper cup. (Um, have you guys had the throwback Pepsi with real sugar? so good.)

10. I went to a private Catholic school for K-highschool. In highschool, we had a "marriage" class where we learned about the sacrament of Marriage. For 1 week during the semester, I was paired up with a classmate and we were "husband and wife" and we had to raise and take care of a baby (a.k.a. sack of flour). We got to pick out of a hat if we had a boy, girl, twins etc. Guess what I drew? I picked infertile. I didn't even get a flour sack baby in highschool.

D) Award 15 recently discovered blogs:

Bun(less) In the Oven

TTC Baby E

Colours of Cattiz

Hearts Joined, Hands Fast

Infertility Sucks - Inside Look at Endometriosis

It's Just Us Chickens

Not Exactly What I Had Planned...

Sprout

The Road Less Traveled

OK, I know, thats not 15, but these were among my "recently discovered" blogs... :)  Thanks again Lissie!

Random. Acts. of Kindness.

Dear world wide blogweb. I'm sorry for my lack of posts of late- I hope I can make it up to you. Life got busy, and as a result my blog suffered. I hope you forgive me.

This flashback Fridays post will be postponed because finally- yes FINALLY- we have TTC news to report. Bear with me, this will be a long one (perhaps making up for my absence :) ) and probably not as snarky as you all might crave - don't fret, the snark shall continue...I'm *almost* positive.

So it's been a while... I've been busy not blogging. I've been busy acting like we're not trying but secretly hoping. I've been busy exercising and practicing yoga to make sense of it all.

Today was a good day, dare I say a great day. Sometimes the universe shits on you only to smile on you another day.

Go back with me to 4th of July weekend- Filthy (Dear Hubby in the future will from here in out be referred to as Filthy-short for Filthy McNasty, his bowling name...lol I don't want to jeopardize his identity!). Filthy and I go to a local rodeo to celebrate Independence Day. Jealous?, you should be, it was fun! First things first, we had to handle business at the rodeo, beer & hotdogs in that order needed to be consumed. Beer in hand we waited for our weenies. As fate would have it, Filthy's ex-coworker, let's call him Buck (haha because I can) was also waiting for a hotdog right in front of us. Buck and his wife had tried for 6 years to have a baby before they were successful with IVF. Buck gushed about their Dr.(let's call him Dr. Kind) and I was immediately envious. He recommended we go to Dr. Kind, I wanted to get our hotdogs and talk about treatments all night! I forgot we were at a rodeo, of all things, and their was mutton bustin' that needed to be enjoyed!  

We got Buck's info, and when we returned to our "seats", it was all I could do to not google this Dr. Kind on my phone. On the way home, we decided that we were tired of being jerked around by doctors who didn't really seem to care, or have ANY sort of urgency about the fact that we are having a problem conceiving. Buck and his wife really liked Dr. Kind, so let's try and work with him. That following tuesday I called Dr. Kind's office and told the lady on the phone, our ultimate goal is to work with Dr. Kind, how do we make that a reality?  She scheduled an IVF consultation appointment for the following Friday. Really? These other doctors have been giving us the run around, I tell this lady we want to work with Dr. Kind, she says come in next Friday. So far so good.

So the big Friday arrives, and I'm so nervous I want to puke. I spend the morning on the phone with my insurance, making sure I have a clear understanding of what's covered. (which this will be another post but my coverage is ridiculous  in a good way). Then I'm running around making sure we have all the lab results/ semen analyses bbt charts oh my! to show Dr. Kind. I have no idea what to expect from this appt. Am I going to get dildoed? Are we going to have blood drawn? Who knows?  

We first met with the IVF case manager who is an RN. Typically you meet with the Dr. first but he was running a little behind. The case manager was extremely nice and thorouh. We looked at a sample calendar of how things would flow. She gave us a stack of consent forms to sign if we decide to do it. At the end she said she was also a patient of Dr. Kind, her daughter is now 4 years old, she also has a 1 year old son, who was frozen for 2 years!  She gushed about Dr. Kind as much as Buck. I tried to remain level headed before actually meeting him- who knows, the chemistry might not be there, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't already excited to be working with him.

Next is Dr. Kind. He's small in stature and very pleasant. This place is out of our net-work so basically they know nothing about us. He asked us what are we working with, and we tell him low sperm count. I show him the semen analyses ( all 3 done were roughly the same ) and he looks at us and says yes, you'll need IVF with ICSI. He was very compassionate which was new for us. He told us to not get stuck on the sperm number, that he's worked with as little as 7 sperm (yes 7, as in 1.2.3.4.5.6.7). He wants Filthy to do 2 chromosome tests (Karotype & Microdeletion of Y chromosome) before we start and in the meantime, while we're waiting for those results, he wants Filthy to come in and give about 3 sperm samples to freeze just to cover our asses in case come game time he has none.  There are a few more tests that need to be completed, but this sounds like our only alternative and Dr. Kind really put our minds at ease.  So...the ball is rolling now I guess!

So, what was a great visit, became a legen...(wait for it, anyone?, How I Met Your Mother)...dary visit was what Dr. Kind did next.  Filthy and I had just finished up w/ the accountant, going over a price list, and we ran into him on our way out, thanked him again for meeting us, as I say to Filthy, "I wonder where we pay" (the consultation was going to run us $300)...Dr. Kind apparently overheard me, got our attention, and said "Just go" and shooed us out of the office.  I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped and we both replied, "what?" and Dr. Kind said "go on, its OK, just go, don't worry about it".  HOLY SHIT, am I dreaming?  I had to desperately go pee, so I told Filthy I'd meet him in the parking lot for fear someone would know we just got lucky.  As I was in the bathroom, I practically welled up in tears on the toilet!  I thought, pull it together for Christ's sake, I'm not even shot up with horomones yet!!!  It was just so extremely nice of Dr. Kind, things finally seem to be going our way.  (If you consider, IVF is your only option "going your way").  I peed as fast as I could, stuck my head out of the bathroom as if I was on some secret spy mission, and away Filthy and I went. Free IVF consultation, with a great IVF team. 

It was a total random act of kindness, and what's funny is on the way to the appointment that's what they were talking about on the radio as we pulled into the parking lot.  I remember them asking, what can you do, that would be a random act of kindness.  Dr. Kind did that for us, and it meant so much.  This post has been a week in the works because I haven't had time to sit and jot it all down. I remember thinking that day, I need to pay this forward, and do something kind unto someone else.  It's been a week and I haven't yet- it definitely won't be as off the charts as Dr. Kind's, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open for an opportunity.  Thanks readers for sticking with me even though I haven't posted lately!!! I challenge you all to do a random act of kindness for someone~maybe they'll feel the urge to do the same :) Happy Friday. 

Flashback Friday #6

Big Money, NO Whammies!!!!

Flashback Friday #6 is brought to you by the 80s game show: Press Your Luck.  I thought this would be an appropriate end to the month of June, AKA the month of whammies.  I totally forgot about this show, until I sat down to do my Flashback Friday post, reflecting on our luck as of late.  

For those of you who don't recall the show, boy did you miss you miss out :)  It is not for the feint of heart.  If I remember correctly, it was a question/answer game.  If you got a question right (buzzing in) you got to spin the board that would light up around your face on TV.  On the board were different squares, some with prizes and "big money", and some with the dreaded Whammy! If you landed on the money or the prize, it went to you and I think you got it in the end if you collected the most, BUT if you landed on a Whammy, too bad so sad...he steals all your prizes and money.  My favorite part was the cartoon of the Whammy coming across the screen to take your loot.  Stupid Whammy.  I enjoyed watching the light go around the board at home yelling "STOP!" as if I were playing too.  The contestant selecting would have their face in the middle for added drama, and often times they would be chanting "Big money, big money, no whammies.....STOP!" hahahaha

Maybe my mantra for July will be exactly that...but I guess I wouldn't be sticking to the true meaning of "mantra" if I'm seeking "earthly pleasures" like money and prizes...hmm..."Baby, Baby, no whammies" - I guess that has a nice ring to it.  Happy Flashback Friday!

*** Lissie at Lissie's Luck gave me "The Versitile Blogger Award" Thanks Lissie, its my first!!! I'll do a post on that tomorrow, pinky swear.***